by Phil Kehres
Nintendo’s Wii is ruining gaming.
Ever since their release, Wiis have been flying off shelves and are harder to find than fratboys in an opera house. It’s become the new must-have toy for people that have no idea how gaming is really supposed to work. It is the MacBook of video game consoles — shiny and trendy, and easy for stupid people to use while lacking the superior quality of its competitors.
I don’t get the obsession with Wii. If I wanted games with graphics that look ten years old I’d play my Playstation One. The games are largely tripe — cutesy, so-called innovative garbage aimed at attracting soccer moms and girls who want to impress their boyfriends by posing as gamers. Any geriatric can swing a wand at a TV and pretend to be awesome, but it takes REAL SKILL to snipe Nazis from halfway across a map while 12-year-olds scream high-pitched obscenities at you over a headset. People who play Wii just don’t get it.
Plus, Wii is mean. I once tried to play Wii Fit, the exercise game that’s all the rage with self-obsessed yuppies and baby boomers alike, and the thing told me I was obese. So I’m a little soft in the middle, sure, but obese is a stretch.
And everyone and their mother, literally, seems to have or want a Wii. Usually, these are the same people that act like they’re too good for real video games and make fun of HARDCORE gamers like me. The world’s most vapid people own Wiis, and they always spout trite garbage like “oh, I don’t like video games but I love my Wii!!!” This is the technological equivalent of the lifelong Democrat who voted for George W. Bush in 2004 or the sorority girl who hates beer but LOVES Corona with lime.
Anyway, my point is this: I hate Wii. I hate its name, and its smug little design. I hate that it detracts from the technological achievements of other systems by appealing to the lowest common denominator. I hate that it steals market share from superior consoles. I hate that it helps cement video games as a silly, escapist party favor rather than a serious art form.
Also, I hate that I don’t have an extra $200 lying around so I can pick one up.
(Phil Kehres also is the co-author of Excuse Me, Is This Your Blog?)
(The photo is by Jessica Driver via Flickr, using a Creative Commons license.)
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