Satire: Dumbledore's Wizard in the Middle

by Robin Forman

In a groundbreaking revelation that began to reverberate around the Wizarding community several years ago, Albus Dumbledore has become the first headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to be openly identified as gay.

Dumbledore himself did not publicly admit to this, instead he was outed by Harry Potter author and friend J.K. Rowling Friday night.

Rowling made this announcement at New York City’s famed (albeit a gathering spot for muggles) Carnegie Hall at the end of her American book tour. The news was greeted by the 2,000 guests with applause and cheers to which Rowling replied “If I had known this would have made you so happy, I would have told you years ago."

One might have imagined that Dumbledore’s lack of a romantic life was due to his hectic schedule, what with running the most prestigious magic school in the world, heading several renowned organizations, and fending off evil. But alas, just like a regular person, Dumbledore suffered from a broken heart.

Rowling said that Dumbledore had this secret his whole life and that his unrequited love for his companion turned nemesis, Gellert Grindelwald, was his great tragedy.

Although this announcement may spark some controversy among the more conservative wizards, it is expected that this news will help teach the younger witches and wizards about tolerance and acceptance.

"It's hugely important for the young witches and wizards so they don't feel alone in the world. We're role models. We're adults, and we know we're not alone but the young witches and wizards don't know that,” said Minerva McGonagall, Hogwarts professor and longtime friend of Dumbledore. “He will definitely help a lot of kids, both magic and muggle, growing up to feel better about themselves."

There is some speculation that a book — working title: Wizard in the Middle — containing Dumbledore’s memoirs about being gay is in the works although this hasn’t been confirmed by anyone yet.

(Promotional photo of the late great Richard Harris as Dumbledore in the Harry Potter film series from Warner Brothers Pictures.)

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